Social Anxiety

I look back at the way I was as a child, I was socially awkward, as a teen I had a lot of social anxiety, I recall blushing which made me even more self conscious. My mum was extremely strict, my father was there physically but not spiritually. I believe I’ve got whatever he’s got, explains why he was and still is so passive, he just isn’t able to function properly. I had no social life other than family events, weddings and funerals! The anxiety continued throughout my academic, professional and personal life, I only just realised it is part of ADHD & Autism (have been referred for assessment). I have managed to overcome some of it, I’ve had to do with the kids, although I feel they haven’t been socialised as well as they could have been, it doesn’t help that I have a passive husband, history is repeating itself (my father was the same). It’s weird how I didn’t realise it was called social anxiety until I was in my 30s (I’m 41 now). Below are examples of situations where my anxiety kicks in:

Having to wait my turn to speak/ introduce myself to a group of strangers

Navigating strange places such as shopping centres, airports and hotels can be a little disorienting, sometimes even familiar places and routes can be too!

Driving to a new place is fine as long as I don’t get lost, the fear of getting lost worries me at times.

Going abroad is anxiety inducing, one time I took my 2 daughters to Portugal, my cousin and her hubby went a few days beofre was, going to the airport triggered me, I would have preferred to travel with them.

Entering a room where everyone (strangers) is already seated

The more different people are the more I struggle, also not comfortable with men, don’t have male friends and have very few female friends. I have a genuine interest in other cultures and religions but people tend not to warm to me. I think maybe I’m intrusive without realising, I have inadvertently offended people in the past.

Approaching sales assistant in shop can be difficult for me

one time I was too nervous to walk into McDonald’s and order some food, ordering from a menu in a restaurant made me uncomfortable too

Everyday exchanges feel awkward, eg if someone says, “hi, how are you?” I will say, “fine, thanks”. I feel too shy to say. “How are you?”.

I sometimes avoid eye contact or don’t maintain for long enough, at times this is deliberate, for example when I’m out and about I will ignore people I know by either looking away as I walk past or I change my route.

I avoid parent teacher meetings and school events, I managed to attend when the girls were in primary school then stopped going.

I find banter difficult to participate in, don’t always understand it, don’t like being teased and don’t tease others either. I take sarcasm seriously and don’t always know when someone is joking.

Sometimes I feel silly in social situations as I misunderstand things such as idioms and need an explanation , (eg. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones) I also tend to take things literally. Eg. My cousin said she went to a restaurant and had an upset stomach, she said something about paying the price for it, I thought she meant payment , she meant her upset stomach 🤦‍♀️
When I was a makeup artist a client said make me look better than the woman who’s makeup you did before me, I actually took what she said literally and said, “ok”, felt so silly when she pointed out it was a joke!

I tend to shut down in social situations, I talk alone but find it hard to converse in a group, sitting with a bunch of women is nightmarish, they all talk at once, the sound of everyone talking gets to my head, I either get up and walk away or shut down.

I have always struggled with customer service, frontline jobs difficult to do, when I was a student I worked in a supermarket on checkout and was extremely uncomfortable serving customers face to face, I hated having a person standing infront of me whilst I was seated. I didn’t like sitting in the staff canteen at break times either. I literally never got comfortable with my colleagues.

when I was a teenager I couldn’t even make a phone call, I was too shy to speak on the phone in a room full of people.

I can’t even have comfortable conversations with my father and brother, or any male member of my family to be honest.

I find it difficult to introduce myself, when I was at university, I wasn’t able to introduce myself before a presentation.

Initiating and maintaining friendships is difficult, I always feel people don’t like me, it doesn’t help that my facial expression is so blunted plus I’m so monotone, it’s as though I don’t make an impression, maybe it’s the way I carry myself. I do lack confidence and have low self esteem and body image which, people seem to pick on me.

If I feel slighted in a social situation, I either remain passive or become aggressive, what I don’t do is assertion!

I don’t like joking with people I don’t know, small talk with strangers is awkward.

I find it difficult to assert myself, I either remain passive in a situation where I feel slighted or I get into a confrontation.

I tend to feel inferior to people and uncomfortable when talking to people in authority, such as police, tax/ customs official, I would really struggle if I had to meet a member of the royal family for example or the prime minister! I genuinely feel people don’t like me, can be a bit paranoid .

If a checkout assistant says hello to the customer in front and doesn’t say hi to me, I can feel slighted. I usually walk away with my ears perked up to see if they say hello to the customer after me .

I would love to enter master chef, Britain’s best home cook and publish a book, have a more sociable lifestyle, travel and make meaningful conversations and friends but my brain won’t allow it. Im just too afraid to apply, I’m not working so can’t fund my book, keep meaning to start a food blog and get a digital camera so I can take better pictures. I’m just very upset as I can’t do it, it’s my mood and motivation which is messing things up, I start projects and never complete them, ADHD is hell .

I tend to fade into background at family gatherings, I’m usually the host, don’t like being a guest.

I have burned bridges in every area of my life usually over perceived slights

I don’t like sitting In a restaurant or cafe myself, If I am meeting up with a friend and get there first, I choose a table around the edge of the restaurant, I avoid the centre, I use my phone as a distraction until they arrive. I feel to self conscious to eat or drink alone in a cafe/restaurant.

I avoid meeting my friends friends/ family, especially their husbands !

I don’t even like meeting my families extended family/ friends.

I tend to get picked on and pushed around, it has everything to do with the way I look and carry myself. I tend to be defensive for that reason. I actually look younger than I am, I’m also a tad socially and emotionally immature, which doesn’t do me any favours.